Sunday, June 19, 2011

Adventures in Leveling: Why Won’t the Questgivers Get Off Their Lazy.....?

Ilona is a smiting discipline priestess who thinks she will have to run headlong into any mob she sees in order to be able to DO something.  With the quests these days it is a wonder she doesn’t just stand around and twiddle her thumbs as Galad, a huntard with a tanking pet with a health buff, hardly needs any healing at all. She feels as it is beneath her to be forced to heal under sub standard conditions. She merely yearns to return to the Temple of the Moon and away from this brash hunter that the Azeroth Heroes Full Employment Opportunity Act has forced her to associate with. She cries over the fact that all her beautiful Penance heals are wasted and her bubbles pop under the weight of her disappointment.

Galad is a dorf huntard.  He has a splendid orange beard and wears a very dashing eyepatch.  Along with the far too tall night elf priestess Ilona, he explores Azeroth looking for adventure and trouble in equal measures. Though between his bear Mangeclaw and his panther Nix he mostly relaxes in the back and drinks while his pets take care of any mobs that might be about. 

Click to embiggen and enjoy Galad and Ilona's witty banter!

 The Azeroth Heroes Full Employment Opportunity Act 

  The Azeroth Heroes Full Employment Opportunity Act requires any and all NPCs who require packages delivered, notes carried, small animals herded, large animals herded, lost children searched for, or misplaced personal effects recovered must, no matter how simple the task, arrange for any Azeroth Heroes who pass to complete the task for them. To expedite, Heroes will be paired with each other using a system of randomization, taking into consideration class, level,  and suitability of personality.

“I mean seriously lass this Princess Heifer is level 42. These mobs would be grey to her and she’s cowering up there while we...and by we I mean all the work.”
“Seriously! The cow can’t break that ONE little leg shackle. This is pathetic.”

“What? Now we have to get her jewelry?  This daft cow lass is going to have us traipsing across this whole island!”

“They should reimburse me for this stupidity. If I find her jewels, then they are mine.  I will look better in her tiara anyway.”

“Look lass.... that’s an awfully big monkey. Maybe... maybe we don’t need to be saving the princess after all? We’ll just put her note back in its bottle and have a few pina coladas back in Booty Bay.”

“Why are you afraid now? You have an amazing healer with the spell of resurrection. Let’s just kill the thing and get it over with! I swear, from now on, we will have to level by other means. This is getting ridiculous.”

“See? That wasn’t so hard now was it? And since I did most of the work here, YOU get to fish for that key...and please...clean it off before giving it to me.”

“Ach lass! And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside.”

“That princess didn’t even give me her tiara after all we went through. Ugh, I swear to Elune, we are leveling by different means. This is beneath my dignity. I should hardly think that my dear Goddess wanted her priestesses brought down this that an EYEPATCH?! That is the last straw!”

“Aye I’m wearing an eyepatch lass.. it’s a virile and manly eyepatch. The lassies think it makes me look dangerous!”

“Is that a parrot too?! Are you a pirate in disguise? Oh Elune, please tell me you aren’t part of that Bloodsail outfit.”

“Oh for the love of Elune, it makes you look foppish and I shudder to think how you can hit anything with your gun while wearing that thing!”

“It’s fine lass, the eye patch has hit on it! Bahahahahaha!”

  Tune in next time to see what happens when Galad and Ilona forsake the drudgery of questing in favor of traipsing through dungeons. Will the brash hunter and the sensitive priestess fare better when they are forced to stick together against strangers in a PUG?


  1. wha??? i think that i need to be a wower to understand.

  2. Alcohol makes all things better!

  3. I love how in the "I am not a pirate" screenshot, Galad just happens to be standing on a stool...but is still shorter than Ilona. xD

    Also, I love the Princess Poobah quests! She's so hard done by, haha.

  4. There are actually two screenshots that follow the "not a pirate one" where they discuss their relative heights. I just couldn't think of a good way to work them into the dialogue!

  5. I was doing those quests last night while the rest of were raiding! I'm pretty sure King Mukla and Yetimus are related somehow. King Mukla's just BIG, though... so easy to kill.

  6. I'm really sad no one has commented on my Star Wars reference.

  7. You may be right about that. There is a definite familial resemblance.

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