This is not the post I expected to be writing in the middle of the night, and certainly not the post that I wanted to ever write at all. But somehow, the guilt and the feeling that I am somehow letting people down, or upsetting them has to be overcome for the sake of mental health. This is not a humorous post, so if you have come here to find something funny, I am sorry to disappoint. This is #RealTalk and something excruciatingly hard and difficult to discuss.
Hi, my name is Nymphy and I suffer from severe social anxiety, depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. No one, except maybe Orv and a few other people that I am miraculously close to, has experienced what is inside my head on a daily basis. It is an effort to be funny and personable and outgoing on various social media platforms on a day to day basis. It wasn't all caused by today, but today was the breaking point. I am not blaming anyone either, but due to the pressures of being happy all the time combined with real life drama, stresses, and all around wear and tear on my emotional stability and I thisclose to having a nervous breakdown. The stress is a killer and for the sake of my own health, and #Lockling's, I am stepping away from all social interactions for the forseeable future. So I am putting down Twitter, Facebook, and WoW, walking away, and taking a break. I may pop into WoW for only 2 hours for the next couple Sunday's to help BBB finish helping his Cub get his 25 man ICC meta-achievements done for the drake just because I have already made that commitment, otherwise I am going to be silent. This blog will still continue to be written, if only by Orv for awhile, he will also be assuming the mantle of GM for Eff the Ineffable until I return.
To all the lovely nice people on Twitter, thank you for being who you are. I know all the people I talk to may not be friendly with each other, but each and every one of you has been a shining point and a source of smiles to me everyday. To say that I feel immeasureable guilt for doing something that I shouldn't even think twice about is awful and just a mark of how unstable I am at this point. If I thought I could bear it by simply talking to a person, I know that I could pick any one of you and you would be glad to listen and I appreciate that more than you could ever know.
As an ending, this post was not made for attention. I am not bemoaning anything or saying woe is me. Anyone who really knows me, knows this to be true. I am not an attention seeker. This is simply so Orv does not have the burden of answering/explaining my absence to those of you who may ask. This is so I can regain a more stable grasp on my mental health and standing so I can return to being the cheerful, lovable person you know me to be.
*Hugs & <3*
Nymphy
Take care of your physical and mental health first and foremost, that's the most important thing. No need to apologize if you need a break from the game! Do what's best for you, and the game will be here when you've had a chance to recharge.
ReplyDeleteNymphy as someone who suffers from it very severely too, i can empthaize with what you go through. Brave and rightful decision to walk away.
ReplyDeleteConcentrate on shoring up your defenses, batten down those hatches and be selfish. You owe it to yourself. People will come and go and as a wise man once said, "This too shall pass".
Peace out and always adore you.
I don't see this post as an attention seeking one at all. I'm glad you made this post so that people can know what's happening at this point in time for you. Take care and come back if and when you feel ready to do so as I'm sure we'll all feel richer for it :)
ReplyDeleteI don't see this post as an attention seeking one at all. I'm glad you made this post so that people can know what's happening at this point in time for you. Take care and come back if and when you feel ready to do so as I'm sure we'll all feel richer for it :)
ReplyDeleteHey, Nymphy. Just wanted to let you know you'll be in my thoughts, and I hope to see you back and in top form in the future! I'll (hopefully) be sitting in Eff the Ineffible happy as a clam when you get back. =] You'll be missed, but it's wonderful that you're taking the time you need for yourself and your growing family!
ReplyDeleteI've barely met you through Rades and the Fajitas, but everything I know of you is positive. While I'm tempted to offer some evocative quote or wax eloquent, instead, simply:
ReplyDeleteBe well.
Not knowing you personally...only thru the posts in this blog...I can't say much except that coming from someone who has had her own struggles with the exact things you've mentioned in this post, I think it's very brave to make this post. It takes alot of courage to admit when you have to step back for your own sake & then even more to do it, so all the best & hoping that things get better for you sooner rather than later.
ReplyDeletePlease take care of your self, and do not worry in any way about Sunday silliness. We would love to see you, but also would like to know that you are taking care of yourself above any worries about commitment. We're friends, and we're sending hugs and peace your way.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs, take care of yourself and the little ones. Don't feel bad for taking a break - you're a strong lady to do so. See you soon :)
ReplyDeletetake care!
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you one little bit.
ReplyDeleteTake all the time you need :D
Nymphy, I don't know if you will be seeing comments yourself, or if that's something you have to step away from, too. If the latter... Orv, please pass this on the Nymphy when it's okay to do so.
ReplyDeleteI do know it's not a simple matter of just telling yourself something good and believing that from now on, but I also think it's important to tell tell ourselves good things to balance out the bad voices. Hopefully, eventually, to drown out the bad voices. :) So please remember what I've told you about pretending for other people. Be genuinely you. Give yourself the same room to make mistakes and have bad moods that you give to others. You deserve it no less than others do, and sometimes you may be the one who needs it more. You mentioned the crocheting helping relieve anxiety. Give yourself some good yarn therapy. :) /hug
You and your family comes first. Always. :)
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself, we will see you back when you feel ready to come back!
Take care Nymphy. I thank you for the opportunity to meet you, and though I know you say no one is at fault, you of all people would understand how I feel about that.
ReplyDeleteSometimes a person can merely offer a hug and well-wishes. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe last thing you need right now is stress. Go forth, produce your warlocky spawn, and return to us in the land of panda bears. We'll be waiting on ya.
ReplyDelete<3
*hugs* Rest easy, I can tell you that taking a break from social media can only bring good things. Sometimes laying down to bed at night is the BEST part of my day, and when I feel most at ease. No beeps, no mail messages, no clicks, just peaceful quiet and snuggly blankets. I wish you relaxing days of bubble baths and shoulders massages from Orv!
ReplyDeleteEmotions are rough, especially while you're expecting :-/ Go rest, be well, take care of yourself and Lockling and enjoy your new house and cuddly Orv (that's what he's there for after all). We'll see you when you get back <3
ReplyDeleteDo what's best for you. As someone who has been hiding from her email for about a month now (and who has severe clinical depression), I understand, offer internet hugs, and my sincere wish that you have a great pregnancy with a healthy and happy lockling at the end of it.
ReplyDeleteHi everyone! Nymphy says thank you for all your thoughts and wishes. She's moved in with me and we're getting our house all set up. You guys are all awesome.
ReplyDelete