Thursday, August 2, 2012

Gamer Grrls and Guys: Long Distance to Living Together

   Nymphy is the GM of Eff the Ineffable and regrets the sheer neglect of this blog, especially after the brand new header was installed by the lovely Liala, over at Disciplinary Action. Hopefully this revival in the sheer lack of topics in this in between expansions time, will breathe new life into it. 

   Orv is the emergency back up substitute co-GM of Eff the Ineffable. He heard Nymphy was writing about moving in together and wanted to make sure she didn’t blurt all of his embarrassing habits out to all the readers... then had to put his two cents in.

   *Dusts off the blog, sneezes a couple times* Wow, deserted much? But to be honest, while we are majorly behind on a lot of projects, there really isn’t much WoW material to be had. Yes, Eff the Ineffable is proud to have cleared 2/8 heroic Dragon Soul and knocked out about half the steps for the meta achievements as well. But real life has a way of interfering and that is exactly what happened with us. The biggest news of course is that Nymphy is expecting a baby at the end of November. For those keeping time by when Mists of Pandaria is released, she is due approximately two months into the expansion. The fine people of Twitter have dubbed the baby “Lockling” as it was conceived by a mage (blue) and a pally (pink) whose class colors combine to make purple(ish). Such logic can’t be refuted.

   In other exciting news, Orv and Nymphy are finally moved in together after 18 long months of living in different states, which brings up the core of this post; what happens when two geeks who have been in a long distance relationship finally move in together? Whose nerd swag gets to go on the prominent shelves? How do you behave around each other? Well ladies and gentleman, this is the post for you. The answer to all the questions, including the most important one.... “Where does the cereal go?”

     The Oatmeal, a fine comic, puts forth that cereal should go on the middle shelf of a cupboard or a pantry. Ahem, WRONG! Cereal needs to be admired, it has to have easy access, and most importantly, it is too much effort to open the door to see the variety of cereal. Therefore, it should be on top of the fridge. That way it is only a couple steps from cereal to the milk. Easy peasy! As far as other food, well it can live where it wants. The only important thing is where the cereal lives. And variety is a must!

Where are we putting your stuff?
   Orv says: The cereal goes in the pantry you heathen! Figuring out how to organize your shared space is probably the first challenge you’ll notice when you move in together. Nymphy and I are lucky that we’re moving into a new home for both of us, which removes some of the emotional awkwardness that could have come along with one of us having to pack away some of our things from their current spaces to make rooms for the other’s.

   Another questions is what happens when you see each other now? Before when you saw each other maybe once a month you made sure you were showered, shaved, looked and smelled nice. What happens now that you are going to be living together? Well, I will tell you that ALL CHANGES! Ladies, he is going to see your bed head (and not the artfully done with gel and hairspray tousled look either), he is going to smell your morning breath after you have slept all night with your mouth open and possibly drool at the corners. Guys, she is going to see you with your hair sticking up all sideways and wild (Orv is a curly haired man, he knows what I am talking about!) Perhaps you, too, drool and are a mouth breather.

   Orv says: Hopefully by the time you’re ready to move in together you’ll seen enough of each other’s flaws to have some idea what you’re getting into. Your partner’s snores, drool, or the way they encroach on your side of the bed if you give them even the tiniest inch(!!!) should not come as a surprise at this point. The challenge is to avoid letting the comfort you need to have with each other take away from the intimacy you share.

If he doesn't move his hand I'm going to shank him.
   What about bed sharing? No, not THAT bed sharing you dirty minded people. Who gets the covers, and whose pillows are better and what side of the bed do you want? No more having the bed strictly your way where you can sprawl all over it. Nope you have to be nice and share! Fortunately it works out if you are a snuggler, another body with you in bed is so lovely if you are. If you aren’t then I suggest boundaries, probably with a 2x4 down the middle of the bed. That could probably solve it. But that requires strict measurements to ensure one partner does not have even an inch more than the other. If you don’t want to mess up your nice sheets then a pillow between you two should work.

   Orv says: For Nymphy and I this was something of a settled issue. I can’t sleep on my left side since I hurt that shoulder a few years back, so we lay so that I can sleep on my right side and curl up with her. Despite that, it was something we spent a lot of time talking about early on in our relationship, so we would know what to do when sleeping together. (Does that make us weird? I don’t have a good baseline here.)

Orv's been doing it wrong all this time.
   Another good thing to work out beforehand, is bathroom privacy. In the beginning, you might be tempted to hide the fact that you are pooping by taking drastic measures as running the shower and/or the sink to disguise noises. All with the door being firmly shut and afterwards spraying liberally with Febreze or your air freshener of choice. Maybe you are as comfortable with each other to let each other in while you are peeing. *gasp!* Or, peeing with the door open! Eventually though, you’ll be comfortable enough together that such drastic precautions re: bathroom time will cease to be necessary and it will be treated for what it is: a fact of everyday life. But Nymphy, answer the age old question: What side should the toilet paper be on on the roll? I am glad you asked. Obviously it should go over. After all do you KNOW what kind of gross things that are on that wall by the toilet?! And you want to wipe with toilet tissue that brushes against it if it is rolled under?! Gross. Also another hot button topic: Toilet seat up or down? Gentlemen, as bachelors you probably didn’t think twice about leaving the seat up. Trust me when I say that your lady will appreciate not getting up in the middle of the night half asleep and sitting down in a toilet bowl full of cold water. So start practicing now to lower the seat. Your lady will thank you later.

   Orv says: Nymphy and I were lucky here in that neither of us are particularly self-conscious in that area, but for those of you that are it is important to respect your partner’s personal space. That’s advice that shouldn’t be limited to privacy in the bathroom. Just because the two of you have moved in together doesn’t mean that you won’t each feel the need for some privacy from time to time.

He doesn't know it but I'm trying to kill him... with my mind.
  Ok, super serious here: As in every relationship, compromise is needed. Maybe you guys don’t like overly girly colors or maybe you ladies don’t like his man chair. Or you both hate the way the other organizes their desk/gaming paraphernalia.Those things are easy to agree on when you get down to the important part, you guys fell in love miles away and love each other enough to take the chance and move in together. Often requiring one or both of you to move from where you used to live. Remember at all times what made you guys click. Which brings us to a serious part. Fighting. I am not talking about a tiny spat over how he always wants fast food. Or how she left all her makeup on the bathroom sink. I am talking genuinely angry feels. Long distance relationships tend to buffer the more serious fighting than living with each other face to face does. Previously you could always just take off your headset, turn off your phone, etc until you cooled off enough to at least text. Living together means you are in each other’s faces.You don’t have the option of doing any of the things you did before you moved in together. This makes practicing good, open communication more important than ever. You need to be able to tell your partner when you need to cool off or get away from the fight. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass to walk away from a fight with issues left unresolved, but rather that you need to know when you’re going to cross a line, and how to back off before that happens. Not saying that we are perfect, Orv and I, (well I am anyway ;) ) but falling in love was easy. Making the decision to live together after becoming accustomed to life long distance was scary. Overall the best pieces of advice we can give is build on what made you fall in love with the other in the first place, whether it be your mutual love of gaming, reading, music, etc. I hope this helps any of you other lucky couples who are taking that leap of faith to transition from long distance, texting, phone, and Skype to real life, in your face, together 24/7 life together.

    Orv says: Nymphy and I have been fortunate that we are good at working through arguments.... when we have some distance between us. Resolving our mutual stubbornness and strong opinions when we are face to face after a day that has been frustrating for both of us... is a challenge we still have to figure out.

10 comments:

  1. YES the toilet roll ALWAYS goes over!! \o/

    So happy for you guys, and I'm glad it's going well now you're living in the same place. It probably took me and my partner about a year to really settle into life together after 4 years apart, so keep at it :)

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  2. Oh that's great for you guys and would you look at that. The day I come visit there's a new post and everything!

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  3. Where did you guys put your computers and other geek toys?

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  4. We have a computer desk for Nymphy's desktop that is going in the bedroom... I have a laptop so I can use that pretty much wherever. Most of our "geek toys" are books and we still haven't bought book shelves for ourselves yet. They are on the list! We are still up in the air over whether the "big tv" and the xbox will go in the bedroom or in the living room.

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  5. If he sticks around for years, despite you drooling on his pillow and/or allegedly stealing said pillow in your sleep, you know it's love. :)

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  6. Best of luck you two! Very exciting times for your relationship indeed. =)

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  7. So excited for you guys! Make sure you don't stress too much about everything Nymphy, we don't want Lockling making a surprise early appearance ;) I really hope it all goes well, best of luck! <3
    Ps. Toilet paper always over and toilet seat down, naturally!

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  8. I'm actually kind of glad you wrote this post. I feel like I'm not the only one out there doing this now (even though it's a little different in circumstances). My friend Adam and I met through WoW about a year ago. Both of us still live with family and both hate it. I was looking for apartments in New York while on Skype with him and he out of the blue asked if Chicago (where he lives) would be someplace I would consider living. We have sense planned to move into an apartment together in Chicago since we both are poor and needed a roommate. I feel kind of weird telling people sometimes that I'm going to move with someone I've only met online (even if we've know each relatively closely for over a year). This post makes me feel a little better. :]

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  9. Congratulations and best of luck! I'm glad that you were able to work things out to finally be able to be together. My sister and her husband lived on opposite sides of the continent for the 9 months of their engagement and the first year after the wedding, and I know it was very hard for them.

    TP over, but cereal goes on top of the fridge! ;)

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  10. Quick update: The cereal lives on top of the fridge (extra cereal goes in the pantry).

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